before and after-the ramblings

i came to kl in search for happiness, better future.a better life.i want to revamp my life.and add new meaning to it.i hated Malacca.i was never happy back then.personal issues bugged me.and i hated life completely.i always ponder to myself "why am i not like them?why they deserve better than i do?why this?why that?"

i was always jealous the way others life was.i wasnt all the time happy and satisfied with what i had.i was always grumbling and rambling about what i didnt had.and i was this poor pathetic geek back home.i always thought that academic excellence was the key to everything.i thought and hope by doing well in studies, i could attract others.but i was wrong.and i was proven wrong.the guilt built in me was enormous.i left my balls hanging.i was useless.i hated myself
KL was a bliss.no its a bliss.i love it.love it to the bits.so then on, i begin my life here in tarc.i decided and told myself, its time to turn over a new leaf.no one knows me here.and it was what i needed.i want changes in life.i want it soo badly. everytime i want to change, i fail to do so.people around me knows me and easily predict what i wanna do.

it was too perfect for me here.i met alot of new friends from all over malaysia.and they accepted me for who i am, not what im not. they knew my flaws and my downsides.but they never mind.im glad they did.they gave me the opportunity to change into the person which i am today.and im now even accepted with an open arm by everyone.i dont know why they do.but whenever i meet some one new, they have always accepted me for who i am, not what im not.i dont know why.but somehow they always do.i find myself and my circle of friends alot in common.from what we talk to what we do.i loved it so much.from then on, i never ever will go back to where i came from.
the people i know back home was different.for some reasons, they never liked me.or even accepted me for who i am.they were picky. and i hate them.i hate the arrogance and agony they have.to those who are reading this, you know who you are.im talking mainly those in the front classes.maybe you people think you have all you want in life, you feel you dont need a friend like me.and that make a whole lot of difference in me today.i want to say thank you to all you haters out there who hated and disguised me before. because of you, i am what i am today.and i love the person i am today.

the only reason i can think of why you disguised me is this, because all english educated-s have a set of thinking.you think that you're well educated in the english language and the masters of it.you think the whole world belongs to you.and the world evolves around you.you think you get what you want.and you can only mix with those the same level with you.bite me.love me or hate me.i only ever wonder.if you faggots can ever mix with someone that doesnt speak english.she or he are the same like you.good in studies, chinese etc.same.just like you.but the language barrier stands between the both of you.what will you do?will you go on and befriend he/she?i doubt so.i met an old schoolmate of mine, PR not long ago. and we were exchanging stories of our lifes with each other.i realized some things never ever changed.you see, i knew this girl, M. she was a banana.and still a banana.because of a non-mandarin speaking background, she still have the same circle of friends.up till today.she never changed.or maybe her perception has never changed.whatever it is, i find her pathetic.and sad.PR told me she has very little known and close friends in Monash.PR always spot M walking alone in campus and around the area.i dont know why.maybe she's anti-social.or what other reasons i dont know.but sad thing.

*banana means you're a chinese outside.but an english ed inside you.have the physical features of a chinese outside, but no knowledge of mandarin language in you.just like a banana.yellow outside, white inside.


what ever the ramblings is, i find people i know back home never changed.just like the way they are 3/4 years ago.and ts sad.damn sad.

anyway, back here.my social life has evolved and expanded tremendously.i meet new people from all walks of life.and some are interesting ones.and i had more female friends then male friends (pun unintended =P) and some of these are close ones to me.ones i'll treasure most.they were there for me when i needed them the most.friends i trust and befriended.i choose friends of quality, not quantity.its sad that some people i know choose to have friends by the quantity, not the quality.i dont understand what the fuck is wrong with this people.


my social life changed.i love every moment of it.i start going clubbing on a weekly basis.pocket was burning.every week i'll be at places like sungei wang or times square.i'll be at klcc on a monthly basis.and i was out all the time.going places and doing things i never thought i would have done so.i started to enjoy the lifestyle.going for classes, activities after classes and nite life.it was pure bliss.mamak session was never a miss.looking at hot chicks was the favourite pass time of all.TARC has the most amount of chinese hot chicks all over KL.dont believe me?come here and have a look for yourself.after all, seeing is believing.
the downside was, results started to fall.from A's to B's and C's.my pocket was having a big hole.and by the end of the week, im dead broke..just like a poor church mouse.i had late nite sleeps..as late as the wee hours of mornings.i gain fats and i became a fat bastard.i became an alchoholic.

i had the best times in TARC.i even met the love of my life through a friend here.although in the end, our relationship didnt work out.say all you want haters, shut up.

till one day, i fail my final paper on the final day of exams in the final semester of my diploma course.no doubt i was cursing and pissing on the poor quality of the education system by tarc.honestly, tarc sucks when it comes to its education quality.i had lecturers giving lectures in mandarin, the accounting lecture was a bitch..she doesnt even know her debit and credit well.i had the lamest subjects...who needs communications in english and interviewing skills?my balls are bigger than that.the lecturers are of poor quality, the head of department said this "you're paying RM6000 for your diploma, what kinda quality you expect?harvard eh?? just accept the quality we give you lar..." tiu =.=" there's so many things i'd like to complain here about how tarc sucked.but the life i had during my TARC days were gifted.i enjoyed every moment of it.

but things started goin downhill when i failed the final paper.i had to resit that particular paper, causing me a bomb.i couldnt continue my studies to a degree level.i wasnt granted any offer to pursue my studies until i completed my diploma programme.i had to go to all private unis around kl to ask the options in stall for me.but it all turn badly for me.i actually wanted to continue my degree in either Metropolitan College or Taylors.even they didnt recognize the diploma from tarc.how fucked is it right?

anyway, while waiting to clear my final paper, i venture myself out into the working world.i did some telemarketing job at a small company before i changed job to selling credit cards in Citibank.the experience i had with citibank changed my views and perceptions forever.troughout the 5 months i was with Citibank, i begun to learn alot of things.i see things how corporates see.i learn and experience a fulfilling one.and that changed me.and i was earning alot.enough to dine at fine dining restaurants, to buy a nice car...perhaps a honda-city?i love my job.i almost didnt wanted to continue my studies.but word of advise from a senior manager says that having a degree will change my future prospects.and i listened to his advise.

and then, i decided to continue my studies in HELP.maybe i needed help, thats why i choosed HELP to help me out.ok lame joke failed.and then here come a new set of life.a fulfilling one..

to be continued...