i've been thinking alot lately abt something which i just realized.
you see, i have a few best friends in my circle of friends.and the thing is, some of them are girls.pretty one's.for some reason or another, we can be just best friends.bestest of friends and not more than that.when i got to know them, i wanted to go after them and in the hope we can be more than friends..you know what i mean.
but in the end, we are in the end better of as friends and this best friend(s) of mine find their love of their life.and the love of their life become friends with me and the both of them becomes close to me.and what's more sad is that the 3 of us will hang out together.either to have a good meal, to go somewhere short or even to the movies.
its being happening to me for years now.from days in secondary school to uni.i don't know man.is it weird?or is it fated?what word can describe my dilemma?
many girls i go after to tackle in the end proof to be fruitless and instead of us becoming couples, we become best friends.
it gets even weirder when they introduce me their bf's.and when their bf's are not around, they talk to me all the things about their bf's.from the good to the bad things.they tell me many little dirty secrets.and i don't know whether they feel comfortable telling me this..or how.somehow, i find this thing really bizarre.
and the weirder thing is that they invite me out to follow them out.just the 3 of us.me, her bf and herself.its been happening this way too many times.
i had it.i done being a lamp post.
its time for me to move on and find a real girlfriend.no.not the one i had before.i mean a real one.
anyone would like to offer yourselves?
please? xD
Saturday, August 23, 2008
bananas in pyjamas
just came back from a charity movie screening at the curve.watched Wall-E and paid RM15 without popcorns and drinks..was a charity movie held by Help's SBC.im part of the charity event and played a role in finding sponsors for the tix.
the thing is this.this bunch of people from sbc are pure banana's i.e. they cant speak mandarin.and while the whole time i was with them, i couldn't find the click with because the jokes they made among themselves are silly...or i find it not funny at all.
and we had lunch at kim gary's. and they kept on making silly lame jokes which i somehow dont find funny.
for example, phillip made a joke about coke steamboat.and everyone was laughing their heart out except me zzzz...i don't find it funny.was it funny?or was it an inner joke?
the thing is...im getting far and far away from the english-speaking world.is just not me anymore.yesh i speak english.but i don't speak english all the time...not anymore.i find speaking mandarin makes thing more lively and its funnier to crack a joke.and its way funnier that way.
speaking perfect english is not my type...no more in my blood.i don't know why.its just not in me anymore..is it a bad thing?or a good thing?
oh ya..there's this girl Ed tried to create a conversation with me.but the sad thing..she's a banana.and i have a blank idea on what topic should i pick on her.
sad eh?
banana's in pyjamas
the thing is this.this bunch of people from sbc are pure banana's i.e. they cant speak mandarin.and while the whole time i was with them, i couldn't find the click with because the jokes they made among themselves are silly...or i find it not funny at all.
and we had lunch at kim gary's. and they kept on making silly lame jokes which i somehow dont find funny.for example, phillip made a joke about coke steamboat.and everyone was laughing their heart out except me zzzz...i don't find it funny.was it funny?or was it an inner joke?
the thing is...im getting far and far away from the english-speaking world.is just not me anymore.yesh i speak english.but i don't speak english all the time...not anymore.i find speaking mandarin makes thing more lively and its funnier to crack a joke.and its way funnier that way.
speaking perfect english is not my type...no more in my blood.i don't know why.its just not in me anymore..is it a bad thing?or a good thing?
oh ya..there's this girl Ed tried to create a conversation with me.but the sad thing..she's a banana.and i have a blank idea on what topic should i pick on her.
sad eh?
banana's in pyjamas
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
before and after-the ramblings
i came to kl in search for happiness, better future.a better life.i want to revamp my life.and add new meaning to it.i hated Malacca.i was never happy back then.personal issues bugged me.and i hated life completely.i always ponder to myself "why am i not like them?why they deserve better than i do?why this?why that?"
i was always jealous the way others life was.i wasnt all the time happy and satisfied with what i had.i was always grumbling and rambling about what i didnt had.and i was this poor pathetic geek back home.i always thought that academic excellence was the key to everything.i thought and hope by doing well in studies, i could attract others.but i was wrong.and i was proven wrong.the guilt built in me was enormous.i left my balls hanging.i was useless.i hated myself
KL was a bliss.no its a bliss.i love it.love it to the bits.so then on, i begin my life here in tarc.i decided and told myself, its time to turn over a new leaf.no one knows me here.and it was what i needed.i want changes in life.i want it soo badly. everytime i want to change, i fail to do so.people around me knows me and easily predict what i wanna do.
it was too perfect for me here.i met alot of new friends from all over malaysia.and they accepted me for who i am, not what im not. they knew my flaws and my downsides.but they never mind.im glad they did.they gave me the opportunity to change into the person which i am today.and im now even accepted with an open arm by everyone.i dont know why they do.but whenever i meet some one new, they have always accepted me for who i am, not what im not.i dont know why.but somehow they always do.i find myself and my circle of friends alot in common.from what we talk to what we do.i loved it so much.from then on, i never ever will go back to where i came from.
the people i know back home was different.for some reasons, they never liked me.or even accepted me for who i am.they were picky. and i hate them.i hate the arrogance and agony they have.to those who are reading this, you know who you are.im talking mainly those in the front classes.maybe you people think you have all you want in life, you feel you dont need a friend like me.and that make a whole lot of difference in me today.i want to say thank you to all you haters out there who hated and disguised me before. because of you, i am what i am today.and i love the person i am today.
the only reason i can think of why you disguised me is this, because all english educated-s have a set of thinking.you think that you're well educated in the english language and the masters of it.you think the whole world belongs to you.and the world evolves around you.you think you get what you want.and you can only mix with those the same level with you.bite me.love me or hate me.i only ever wonder.if you faggots can ever mix with someone that doesnt speak english.she or he are the same like you.good in studies, chinese etc.same.just like you.but the language barrier stands between the both of you.what will you do?will you go on and befriend he/she?i doubt so.i met an old schoolmate of mine, PR not long ago. and we were exchanging stories of our lifes with each other.i realized some things never ever changed.you see, i knew this girl, M. she was a banana.and still a banana.because of a non-mandarin speaking background, she still have the same circle of friends.up till today.she never changed.or maybe her perception has never changed.whatever it is, i find her pathetic.and sad.PR told me she has very little known and close friends in Monash.PR always spot M walking alone in campus and around the area.i dont know why.maybe she's anti-social.or what other reasons i dont know.but sad thing.
*banana means you're a chinese outside.but an english ed inside you.have the physical features of a chinese outside, but no knowledge of mandarin language in you.just like a banana.yellow outside, white inside.
what ever the ramblings is, i find people i know back home never changed.just like the way they are 3/4 years ago.and ts sad.damn sad.
anyway, back here.my social life has evolved and expanded tremendously.i meet new people from all walks of life.and some are interesting ones.and i had more female friends then male friends (pun unintended =P) and some of these are close ones to me.ones i'll treasure most.they were there for me when i needed them the most.friends i trust and befriended.i choose friends of quality, not quantity.its sad that some people i know choose to have friends by the quantity, not the quality.i dont understand what the fuck is wrong with this people.
my social life changed.i love every moment of it.i start going clubbing on a weekly basis.pocket was burning.every week i'll be at places like sungei wang or times square.i'll be at klcc on a monthly basis.and i was out all the time.going places and doing things i never thought i would have done so.i started to enjoy the lifestyle.going for classes, activities after classes and nite life.it was pure bliss.mamak session was never a miss.looking at hot chicks was the favourite pass time of all.TARC has the most amount of chinese hot chicks all over KL.dont believe me?come here and have a look for yourself.after all, seeing is believing.
the downside was, results started to fall.from A's to B's and C's.my pocket was having a big hole.and by the end of the week, im dead broke..just like a poor church mouse.i had late nite sleeps..as late as the wee hours of mornings.i gain fats and i became a fat bastard.i became an alchoholic.
i had the best times in TARC.i even met the love of my life through a friend here.although in the end, our relationship didnt work out.say all you want haters, shut up.
till one day, i fail my final paper on the final day of exams in the final semester of my diploma course.no doubt i was cursing and pissing on the poor quality of the education system by tarc.honestly, tarc sucks when it comes to its education quality.i had lecturers giving lectures in mandarin, the accounting lecture was a bitch..she doesnt even know her debit and credit well.i had the lamest subjects...who needs communications in english and interviewing skills?my balls are bigger than that.the lecturers are of poor quality, the head of department said this "you're paying RM6000 for your diploma, what kinda quality you expect?harvard eh?? just accept the quality we give you lar..." tiu =.=" there's so many things i'd like to complain here about how tarc sucked.but the life i had during my TARC days were gifted.i enjoyed every moment of it.
but things started goin downhill when i failed the final paper.i had to resit that particular paper, causing me a bomb.i couldnt continue my studies to a degree level.i wasnt granted any offer to pursue my studies until i completed my diploma programme.i had to go to all private unis around kl to ask the options in stall for me.but it all turn badly for me.i actually wanted to continue my degree in either Metropolitan College or Taylors.even they didnt recognize the diploma from tarc.how fucked is it right?
anyway, while waiting to clear my final paper, i venture myself out into the working world.i did some telemarketing job at a small company before i changed job to selling credit cards in Citibank.the experience i had with citibank changed my views and perceptions forever.troughout the 5 months i was with Citibank, i begun to learn alot of things.i see things how corporates see.i learn and experience a fulfilling one.and that changed me.and i was earning alot.enough to dine at fine dining restaurants, to buy a nice car...perhaps a honda-city?i love my job.i almost didnt wanted to continue my studies.but word of advise from a senior manager says that having a degree will change my future prospects.and i listened to his advise.
and then, i decided to continue my studies in HELP.maybe i needed help, thats why i choosed HELP to help me out.ok lame joke failed.and then here come a new set of life.a fulfilling one..
to be continued...
i was always jealous the way others life was.i wasnt all the time happy and satisfied with what i had.i was always grumbling and rambling about what i didnt had.and i was this poor pathetic geek back home.i always thought that academic excellence was the key to everything.i thought and hope by doing well in studies, i could attract others.but i was wrong.and i was proven wrong.the guilt built in me was enormous.i left my balls hanging.i was useless.i hated myself
KL was a bliss.no its a bliss.i love it.love it to the bits.so then on, i begin my life here in tarc.i decided and told myself, its time to turn over a new leaf.no one knows me here.and it was what i needed.i want changes in life.i want it soo badly. everytime i want to change, i fail to do so.people around me knows me and easily predict what i wanna do.
it was too perfect for me here.i met alot of new friends from all over malaysia.and they accepted me for who i am, not what im not. they knew my flaws and my downsides.but they never mind.im glad they did.they gave me the opportunity to change into the person which i am today.and im now even accepted with an open arm by everyone.i dont know why they do.but whenever i meet some one new, they have always accepted me for who i am, not what im not.i dont know why.but somehow they always do.i find myself and my circle of friends alot in common.from what we talk to what we do.i loved it so much.from then on, i never ever will go back to where i came from.
the people i know back home was different.for some reasons, they never liked me.or even accepted me for who i am.they were picky. and i hate them.i hate the arrogance and agony they have.to those who are reading this, you know who you are.im talking mainly those in the front classes.maybe you people think you have all you want in life, you feel you dont need a friend like me.and that make a whole lot of difference in me today.i want to say thank you to all you haters out there who hated and disguised me before. because of you, i am what i am today.and i love the person i am today.the only reason i can think of why you disguised me is this, because all english educated-s have a set of thinking.you think that you're well educated in the english language and the masters of it.you think the whole world belongs to you.and the world evolves around you.you think you get what you want.and you can only mix with those the same level with you.bite me.love me or hate me.i only ever wonder.if you faggots can ever mix with someone that doesnt speak english.she or he are the same like you.good in studies, chinese etc.same.just like you.but the language barrier stands between the both of you.what will you do?will you go on and befriend he/she?i doubt so.i met an old schoolmate of mine, PR not long ago. and we were exchanging stories of our lifes with each other.i realized some things never ever changed.you see, i knew this girl, M. she was a banana.and still a banana.because of a non-mandarin speaking background, she still have the same circle of friends.up till today.she never changed.or maybe her perception has never changed.whatever it is, i find her pathetic.and sad.PR told me she has very little known and close friends in Monash.PR always spot M walking alone in campus and around the area.i dont know why.maybe she's anti-social.or what other reasons i dont know.but sad thing.
*banana means you're a chinese outside.but an english ed inside you.have the physical features of a chinese outside, but no knowledge of mandarin language in you.just like a banana.yellow outside, white inside.
what ever the ramblings is, i find people i know back home never changed.just like the way they are 3/4 years ago.and ts sad.damn sad.
anyway, back here.my social life has evolved and expanded tremendously.i meet new people from all walks of life.and some are interesting ones.and i had more female friends then male friends (pun unintended =P) and some of these are close ones to me.ones i'll treasure most.they were there for me when i needed them the most.friends i trust and befriended.i choose friends of quality, not quantity.its sad that some people i know choose to have friends by the quantity, not the quality.i dont understand what the fuck is wrong with this people.
my social life changed.i love every moment of it.i start going clubbing on a weekly basis.pocket was burning.every week i'll be at places like sungei wang or times square.i'll be at klcc on a monthly basis.and i was out all the time.going places and doing things i never thought i would have done so.i started to enjoy the lifestyle.going for classes, activities after classes and nite life.it was pure bliss.mamak session was never a miss.looking at hot chicks was the favourite pass time of all.TARC has the most amount of chinese hot chicks all over KL.dont believe me?come here and have a look for yourself.after all, seeing is believing.
the downside was, results started to fall.from A's to B's and C's.my pocket was having a big hole.and by the end of the week, im dead broke..just like a poor church mouse.i had late nite sleeps..as late as the wee hours of mornings.i gain fats and i became a fat bastard.i became an alchoholic.i had the best times in TARC.i even met the love of my life through a friend here.although in the end, our relationship didnt work out.say all you want haters, shut up.
till one day, i fail my final paper on the final day of exams in the final semester of my diploma course.no doubt i was cursing and pissing on the poor quality of the education system by tarc.honestly, tarc sucks when it comes to its education quality.i had lecturers giving lectures in mandarin, the accounting lecture was a bitch..she doesnt even know her debit and credit well.i had the lamest subjects...who needs communications in english and interviewing skills?my balls are bigger than that.the lecturers are of poor quality, the head of department said this "you're paying RM6000 for your diploma, what kinda quality you expect?harvard eh?? just accept the quality we give you lar..." tiu =.=" there's so many things i'd like to complain here about how tarc sucked.but the life i had during my TARC days were gifted.i enjoyed every moment of it.
but things started goin downhill when i failed the final paper.i had to resit that particular paper, causing me a bomb.i couldnt continue my studies to a degree level.i wasnt granted any offer to pursue my studies until i completed my diploma programme.i had to go to all private unis around kl to ask the options in stall for me.but it all turn badly for me.i actually wanted to continue my degree in either Metropolitan College or Taylors.even they didnt recognize the diploma from tarc.how fucked is it right?
anyway, while waiting to clear my final paper, i venture myself out into the working world.i did some telemarketing job at a small company before i changed job to selling credit cards in Citibank.the experience i had with citibank changed my views and perceptions forever.troughout the 5 months i was with Citibank, i begun to learn alot of things.i see things how corporates see.i learn and experience a fulfilling one.and that changed me.and i was earning alot.enough to dine at fine dining restaurants, to buy a nice car...perhaps a honda-city?i love my job.i almost didnt wanted to continue my studies.but word of advise from a senior manager says that having a degree will change my future prospects.and i listened to his advise.
and then, i decided to continue my studies in HELP.maybe i needed help, thats why i choosed HELP to help me out.ok lame joke failed.and then here come a new set of life.a fulfilling one..
to be continued...
the road not taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
ahh!soo meaningful.and it reflects the way of life im in right now.i was left pondering about my future.and i came across this poem while reading the form 5 poems for english.and i thought to myself "is this the life i wanted?am i getting what i wanted all this while?" sighh
i came to KL 3 years ago because of personal reasons.reasons that i could not bear with it anymore staying in Malacca.and while all my friends opt for MMU, i choose the other.i decided TARC was the best choice i have in hand to escape from all the woes and miseries i'd gone through for the past 5 years.and during this 5 years, i always dreamt of moving to KL and live the way of a KL-ian does.
i came to thise bustling city in search of joy, happiness, a bright future, a better life..to run away from reality of life, to live in denial i was back then.i came to pursue the life of the happening, social, luxury of life.and the poem says :
" I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in a wood, and I"
choosing the life staying back leaves me with a future, a known one, a predictable life.i know it.i can see it clearly.whats ahead of me.i know the consequences of the first option.i should have felt more secure and know my sense of direction in life then.i could foresee what was ahead of me.for at least 4 years of my teenage years.
Yet, i choose to other.the road less taken.and i know it was for the better.i always have known it.though i dont know what is there waiting for me.but life is a journey.an endevour we all will never know.and i choose it that way.i came here all alone.not knowing anyone here.it was completely different for me.the first few weeks was the hardest.i almost gave up.i reall wanted to go back home.where family and friends stands.but yet im stubborn.no way im going back to being miserable.the weeks became months..and months came years.and its 3 years.3 years of turbulences.
my whole world came upside down.and i see it now.the path is clearer to me.i can see it ahead of me.
i've achieved what i want all my life.i've done things i never knew i would.i see things in a wider view.i became the person i am today.not the snobbish bastard i was.i learn to live life.and live it to the max.i became a man.i meet people from all walks of life.i picked up new languages.i had a gf.i travel to places i thought i'll never go.life was made harder.and complicated.but interesting.i love my life.i love every minute of it.i somehow felt lonelier at times.
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
i am what i am today.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
ahh!soo meaningful.and it reflects the way of life im in right now.i was left pondering about my future.and i came across this poem while reading the form 5 poems for english.and i thought to myself "is this the life i wanted?am i getting what i wanted all this while?" sighh
i came to KL 3 years ago because of personal reasons.reasons that i could not bear with it anymore staying in Malacca.and while all my friends opt for MMU, i choose the other.i decided TARC was the best choice i have in hand to escape from all the woes and miseries i'd gone through for the past 5 years.and during this 5 years, i always dreamt of moving to KL and live the way of a KL-ian does.
i came to thise bustling city in search of joy, happiness, a bright future, a better life..to run away from reality of life, to live in denial i was back then.i came to pursue the life of the happening, social, luxury of life.and the poem says :
" I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in a wood, and I"
choosing the life staying back leaves me with a future, a known one, a predictable life.i know it.i can see it clearly.whats ahead of me.i know the consequences of the first option.i should have felt more secure and know my sense of direction in life then.i could foresee what was ahead of me.for at least 4 years of my teenage years.
Yet, i choose to other.the road less taken.and i know it was for the better.i always have known it.though i dont know what is there waiting for me.but life is a journey.an endevour we all will never know.and i choose it that way.i came here all alone.not knowing anyone here.it was completely different for me.the first few weeks was the hardest.i almost gave up.i reall wanted to go back home.where family and friends stands.but yet im stubborn.no way im going back to being miserable.the weeks became months..and months came years.and its 3 years.3 years of turbulences.
my whole world came upside down.and i see it now.the path is clearer to me.i can see it ahead of me.
i've achieved what i want all my life.i've done things i never knew i would.i see things in a wider view.i became the person i am today.not the snobbish bastard i was.i learn to live life.and live it to the max.i became a man.i meet people from all walks of life.i picked up new languages.i had a gf.i travel to places i thought i'll never go.life was made harder.and complicated.but interesting.i love my life.i love every minute of it.i somehow felt lonelier at times.
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
i am what i am today.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
working during holidays
sorry i took forever to update.i had been very busy with soo many things and was working part time around kl.i've been working all over kl doing things here and there just to kill time and also to earn money.i really need money to pay debts and buy new things.
i begin my work at an international business solutions company called Unisys Malaysia. It deals with all sorts of IT solutions hardwares and softwares systems for companies.They are also engaged in providing outsourcing functions to banks.They have 2 offices, 1 in Uptown Damansara and the other at Damansara Heights.
I was based at both places.Started off at Damansara Heights doing their outsourcing thingy for bank.Basically what i did was just keying cheque amounts and bank slips.I shall have the identities of the banks anonymous.All in all it was plain boring and repetitive task.I have to key those amounts very fast without any mistakes.How hard and difficult it was.Anyway, i only went there for about 3 days.
Next, the agency that recruited me asked me to go over Unisys in Uptown Damansara, which is rather nearer to my house by walking distance of 10 minutes.I was there as a temporary receptionist, replacing the original which was on leave. It was more of a much relaxing job tasks there. All i need to do is answer phone calls, write notes, accept and send consignments, write memos etc. You know what a receptionist tasks are.
During the 3 days i had over there, I didn't really perform my duties as a receptionist. What i did the whole day was reading newspapers and magazines, walking around, drinking coffee and listening to my MP3. And that was for 3 fucking days. How bored am i. So while got nothing to do, i camwhored xD
ok enough said.i earned little.and i managed to kill time.all for the remaining 2 weeks of my holidays.
need a job?
i begin my work at an international business solutions company called Unisys Malaysia. It deals with all sorts of IT solutions hardwares and softwares systems for companies.They are also engaged in providing outsourcing functions to banks.They have 2 offices, 1 in Uptown Damansara and the other at Damansara Heights.
I was based at both places.Started off at Damansara Heights doing their outsourcing thingy for bank.Basically what i did was just keying cheque amounts and bank slips.I shall have the identities of the banks anonymous.All in all it was plain boring and repetitive task.I have to key those amounts very fast without any mistakes.How hard and difficult it was.Anyway, i only went there for about 3 days.
Next, the agency that recruited me asked me to go over Unisys in Uptown Damansara, which is rather nearer to my house by walking distance of 10 minutes.I was there as a temporary receptionist, replacing the original which was on leave. It was more of a much relaxing job tasks there. All i need to do is answer phone calls, write notes, accept and send consignments, write memos etc. You know what a receptionist tasks are.
During the 3 days i had over there, I didn't really perform my duties as a receptionist. What i did the whole day was reading newspapers and magazines, walking around, drinking coffee and listening to my MP3. And that was for 3 fucking days. How bored am i. So while got nothing to do, i camwhored xD
ok enough said.i earned little.and i managed to kill time.all for the remaining 2 weeks of my holidays.
need a job?
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