dilemma

damn. i should might as well call this post as an emo post lar =( yesh yesh im emo so? i don't care what you people think. i type what i wanna type and its my fcuking right to do so. if you don't like reading what you're reading, then u may please fcuk off thankiew =) =) =)


anyway, im in a dilemma.im stuck in between 2 female. 1 is the one im chasing and on the other hand is my ex =(

shall start with the one im chasing. she has a bf =( and they always argue =) but sad lor. they always together like magnet. its like inseparable liao. i thought they wont last, but now it seems they're gonna last =( right now there's no real development between us. we're more like best friends that tease each other at every single little thing. i like her personality. but day by day i come to realize that it'll never happen. so im trying my very best to forget my plans. and just leave it to everything around us to decide la. if we're meant to be then we'll be together.

on the other hand, is my ex. i told myself again and again to forget her. but i cant forget at all. when im all alone, i will think of her and everything we had. i'll feel down and lonely and empty in my heart. i just wanted someone to be by my side physically. i cant accept a gf that's not by my side all the time PHYSICALLY. to do things together, to talk face to face, to look into each other eyes. i just cant. plus so many things that won't allow us to be together. her believes, her religion, her family, its just too many. i don't know where it'll end. its just too difficult for me and her. she said everything is secondary. but what about me? these matters are primary important matter to me. i just lost hope and trust and strength to continue. i tried many times but i can't. i just cant move on.

how?? =(

19 Sept 2008

today, i didn't felt like doing anything. I did not have the urge and mood to do anything at all. looking at my things and schedule.i just don't feel like doing anything about it.i didn't want to care at all.ughhh...self ignorance and laziness struck me again.i just lay down on the bed turning all over the place.

my watch shows it's 9.30.the alarm was ringing every 9 minutes. i shut it off. and then i kept thinking to myself.should i attend today's FIN320? what will i miss? i calculated the number of times i've missed the tutorial.omg..its coming to the 4th time! i thought to myself "i should not miss another class of his" and there. i lay down on my sweet comfy bed thinking and thinking.making a decision so easy to make yet so hard to decide. watch shows the time.10.30am. i was lazy enough to force myself out of bed. so there, i decided not to go.and tried to go back to sleep. i cant. and i look back at the time. it's 10.45am. my last chance to get prepared for class. nope. still insist myself on not going. i then went back into sleep. finally!! not until my mum called me to ask me some personal stuff. and that bugged my sleep. i couldnt go back into sleep.

so from 11am, i was thinking about many things to myself. issues like why Anwar hasn't taken control of Putrajaya. and related issues about it. and then i was giggling to myself thinking about what Guo Rui said about Anwar. Such a joker!! he has very good sense of humour rofl! then was thinking about what should i wear to Genting later. and try to imagine what will happen in Genting.


didn't realized time went by soo fast. Suddenly it was already 12.30pm. i lay down for about 15 minutes and got up to get myself ready and dressed up. by the time i was ready it was already 1.45pm. Then i left "home" to withdraw cash and bought Nescafe. Supply of Nescafe went dry =( boarded the Metro bus to 1u. damn! Bus fare increased yet again! this time its an increase of 10 cents. was originally 90cents for a single trip to 1u. although it was 10cents but it's worth complaining. how can lar?10cents lei =( anyway shall talk about price increase and cost of living in the next post. reached 1u and boarded the bus straight up to Genting.By the time i reached the cable car station it was already 3.30pm

On the way up, i look around the secenaries around.nothing much has changed since my last trip up. that was about 6months ago. feels like yesterday. and all our memories came back into broad day light. i felt so much warm and love. i remembered every moment we had up here. those were our happiest days together up there. if you're reading this, i remember and will always do ya =)


anyway back to macro. i never knew singaporeans has poor knowledge and information about malaysia. sad case man. plus singaporeans call genting as "jenting" wtf. since when genting mortified as "jenting"? screw you singaporeans. oh what? you gonna ask Badawi to catch me and throw me into ISA? you're not even sure whether he'll be around till next tuesday anot.

straight went into casino.big deal. my second time in casino. big deal. police officers have to check my IC to verify my age. big deal. i look young to them. big deal. i never ever gamble in casino before. big deal. IM GONNA GAMBLE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. BIGGGG DEAL!!!! this is gonna be my very first try in gambling. i wanna taste what is it like to gamble and why some people get very addicted to it. i wanna understand the psychology of a gambler. i wanna understand the heart and mind of a gambler. i wanna fucking understand why they have to commit suicide gambling! BIG DEAL!

before giving a try out on gambling, i went with my buddies to look around in the casino.i spotted a few games where the high rollers were busy gambling. they dont bet in small amount. they bet in big amounts. BIG DEAL! i saw an old man, prollie in his 60's, betting his cash of RM1000. and he lost it.just like that. no hard feelings. walao eh!KNNCCB!! that money can last me for a month ok. cover everything some moree!! wuwu!!!

suet ni gave me a RM5 chip to try my first luck. ever heard of this saying? gambling for the first time will guarantee you to win money. i didn't believe it. so i place my bet on 4. i don't what game is it. is selecting your number. then you'll just the roll the ball into the selection of numbers. POCK!! wah!!! won RM10 lee!! BIG DEAL!! was damn excited! i tried my luck again. bet on difference numbers this time. 9 and 6. both didn't hit. heart starts to feel the pain and uneasyness.

i wasnt all that happy and satisfied. went for another few more rounds to observe gamblers. in the end i decided to change my precious RM50 into chips for gambling. i started with this.

Played some gambling game which i dont know what is it called.its basically choosing the number of your choice and then just roll the ball onto the numbers. when the ball stops at that number, it's either your choice number is there or you lose. well, i won my first round for the first time.

have you ever heard of a saying that goes "if you're gambling for the first time, you'll get lucky" i believe every single word of it. it was my first time gambling and i won!i won RM10!! BIG DEAL!!! wakakkaakaka

then i tried my luck at the same table again for a few times. but i didn't won any since then =( and then my friends and i went to another table. this time is i played a game where you roll the wheel of fortune. minimum bet = RM5. i placed my bet on the RM10. and hit!!i won RM50 from RM5. BIG DEAL!! i'm damn fcuking happy!!


i wasnt satisfied. greed and self ignorance hit me! now i understand why gamblers cant live the gambling table once they start winning. i seriously felt it was my lucky day. i went on gambling. from RM75 to RM25. damn! i wasn't satisfied cause i lost all my money on the same fcuking table! i didn't believe my luck! i played over and over again...until this

=(

so i went down genting and commit suicide =( =( =( =(

no i wont be dumb la. if i committed suicide, i wont be posting this post lar!

but the temptation was running high once i started winning. now i can really understand the feelings of a gambler. their willingness to do anything to win. it'll take you at all cost no matter what happens. you're willing to borrow from ah long, gamble all your life savings, commit suicide etc. very sad =(

i went back KL with a heavy and sad heart. but i learned a valuable lesson.

Don't gamble xD

my favourite song

foo fighters-pretender

916

The countdown for the take-over effort of the government has begun. The next 24 hours will be an anticipated time for all Malaysians to see what's gonna happen to the BN government. Will they stay in power? or will Malaysia have a new prime minister? what are likely events that's gonna happen in the next 24 hours? surely, the next 24 hours will be closely watched not only by all Malaysians, but also by the whole world. The wave of changes is blowing our way.

This is it. The day has finally come. The day to be anticipated by all.

What will happen? We shall patiently wait and see whats next

a lost hope

On friday (12th Spetember 2008), 3 people got arrested under the ISA.detained includes Raja Petra Kamaruddin of Malaysia Today, Seputeh MP Teresa Kok and Sin Chew Daily reporter Tan Hoon Cheng. There were detained for reasons the government feel can threatened the unity of Malaysians. and also the news where Tan Hoon Cheng reported in Sin Chew Daily last month where an UMNO politician, Ahmad Ismail, made a racist remark calling Chinese Malaysian's as squatters and immigrants that don't deserve any equal rights.read more about it on Kenny Sia postings about the story here


now lets do a comparison on the 4 people "wrong-doings"

Raja Petra Kamaruddin - Made headlines for remarks and secrets on top government officials and reveal secrets about their wrong-doings.also made seditious comments and other issues that touched the sensitivity of Malaysians.He made those comments on www.Malaysiatoday.com, which was subsequently been blocked.


Seputeh MP Teresa Kok - accused of an appeal to a mosque in Kinrara to lower and soften the loud speakers during prayers as it is too loud


Sin Chew Daily reporter Tan Hoon Cheng - Reported the controversial remark made by UMNO politician Ahmad Ismail calling Malaysian Chinese squatters and immigrants during a political ceramah in Permatang Pauh.

Ahmad Ismail - called Malaysian Chinese squatters and immigrants.provoked the anger among chinese with his seditious remark but still refused to apologise for the remarks saying that what he said are facts.watch video below.

Ok.now here's the deal.The Malaysian law defines ISA as the followings (based on Wikipedia)

Section 73(1) Internal Security Act 1960: "Any police officer may without warrant arrest and detain pending enquiries any person in respect of whom he has reason to believe that there are grounds which would justify his detention under section 8; and that he has acted or is about to act or is likely to act in any manner prejudicial to the security of Malaysia or any part thereof or to maintenance of essential services therein or to the economic life thereof."

Section 8 ISA: Power to order detention or restriction of persons. "(i) If the Minister is satisfied that the detention of any person is necessary with a view to preventing him from acting in any manner prejudicial to the security of Malaysia or any part thereof or to the maintenance of essential services therein or the economic life thereof, he may make an order (hereinafter referred to as a detention order) directing that that person be detained for any period not exceeding two years."

Who should be detained under ISA?

VS

VS

VS

A blogger for making seditious remarks and postings that will threat national security?A Member of Parliament for requesting the Muslims to lower down the speaker volume during prayers?A reporter reporting racial remarks merely because she was just doing her duty as a journalist?orrr....a politician making racist remarks calling Chinese in Malaysia squatters and an American Jew??

Im sure by now you all know what has happened over the week to these 4 individual.but what saddens me is this. A reporter was detained under ISA just because she was reporting a news story of a politician making racist remarks. and Member of Parliament voice out concerns by residents in her constituency over loud speaker.Clearly, these 2 individual are just doing their job.just like you and me.and the best part is, they didn't cross over the line until they can cause disruption and racial fights in Malaysia.and no one make a big fuss out of what they did.

On the other hand, a blogger has kept on constantly making remarks that has caused disturbances and uncertainty in Malaysia.Although many of the things he state were true in reality, our government denied this allegations and gave him warnings over and over again.until one fine day, he got caught and the government gave him free food free lodging. Although he went over the line, it must be remembered that what he says is true.and many things his stated has evidence.you don't all over the place saying things that has no evidence and reliability right?

and finally, a politician in Penang has made remarks calling chinese squatters and said we dont have any equal rights here.well, he got suspended from his own poilitical party for 3 years.and still he wanna tua lampa on the news saying he wont say sorry, saying that the chinese should apologize to him bla bla bla.well...lets go back to the definition of ISA

Section 73(1) Internal Security Act 1960: "Any police officer may without warrant arrest and detain pending enquiries any person in respect of whom he has reason to believe that there are grounds which would justify his detention under section 8; and that he has acted or is about to act or is likely to act in any manner prejudicial to the security of Malaysia or any part thereof or to maintenance of essential services therein or to the economic life thereof."

Clearly, he has created in a serious manner prejudicially causing disturbances and racial anger among chinese that could provoke the chinese to fight against him.His remarks has threaten Malaysia's security by causing a potential of another May 13 incident.

and also "any part thereof or to maintenance of essential services therein or to the economic life thereof."he made the allegation that the chinese has been controlling and manipulating the economy when he said we're like the American Jews and demand us to stop doing so and to give back the rights to the Malays.and also, he has accused all chinese political parties for bringing up the matter and call us "trouble-makers" even worst he has spark the anger and dissatisfaction among the chinese. and he ask Gerakan and MCA to leave Barisan Nasional if they don't like what he said and claim what he says as "the truth, reality of life" well, Badawi should know well that if really Gerakan or MCA leaves, Pakatan Rakyat will entice them to join them.and when this happens, they get a bigger majority in the government and can topple them. but sadly, Badawi is....smart ^^

so..who do you think should be thrown in to ISA and be given free food and free lodging?after all, this free food and free lodging are from the taxpayers money.

how fuck up is this country?

Malaysia Boleh

Malaysia Truly Asia

ISA anyone?

a lost hope

my love will get you home

dear..if you're reading this, i dedicate this song to you.

no matter what has happened, i will always love you..altho it never meant to be.

bad day

why is every one suddenly turning against me?whatever i do or say, they'll bambu me.

its really a bad day for me.

but i'll me stronger.