im confused

lately..i've been facing soo much of problems with relationships with her. She's this wonderful girl, kind-hearted and soft spoken girl.She's the dream girl of many, including me.She's there for me when i needed her the most, she has sacrificed soo much for me sometimes i felt like a bastard, which i am.

Since our first break up in November, things has went downhill ever since. We repeatedly break up and got back together so many times during that period. The more i got in it, the more i told myself i wanna get outta the relationship so badly.Its just a desperate feeling.I dunno why or what prompt me to do so.I juz look at other couples around me..and i felt that we have nothing they had in them.Our relationship was plain darn, boring and there was no excitement in us.I just wanna quit.I feel like i'm putting us into hell.I didn't wanted to make her suffer any longer.It all doesnt seem right for both of us. Plus, there are so much of problems we faced in this relationship, we didn't go along well anymore. I felt that was it. These problems wont bring us anywhere. The longer we were together, the more I find we aren't happy together. Its better to break up now then to break up in the future. We are still young, theres plenty of opportunities ahead of us. I dont want to jeopardise her future..although she's willing to jeopardise hers.It doesnt seem right for both of us..and everyone around us.

So after my birthday, i decided to call it an end. An end that will break our hearts so much it kills her the most. I hated myself. I didn't like what was going on. All i wanted to do is to kill myself. At first she said ok and agreed with the break up. It all seem well. We didn't contact each other for some time.i think it was a 2 weeks or so. Then my itchy hands started sms-ing her..wanted to find out how is she and hows everything. And it got worst, i started saying i miss her, i love her, all those lovey-dovey words.And there, she couldn't resist it and started crying and begged me to continue this relationship.I told her we needed some time and space.She said yes reluctantly. But then, she's good at doing this.Asking me to meet her at the same spot we used to meet up and say goodbye.And there she say she'll wait till i come.It wasnt the first time.When we had the worst arguements, either one of us will resort to this way. And there. Our problems solved.Or should it seem like it. But this time i said no.I was in the middle of Ms Graces Econs class.I was so focused and when she msg-ed me, i lost concentration and my feelings were so mixed. And then i asked Alan to send me back straight home from college. i ignored her msgs. I didn't wanna meet her and then the usual things will happen, we will be together..once again. But this time i said no to myself.I tried controlling.

This went on for a few days.Finally, i met up with her. And the rest is left for u to figure out what happened. But then, it hit my heart so badly!When i send her off at The Gardens, i sent her an sms, saying we were not meant to be. And it went on...again..till that day.

Love is like a war
Is easy to begin
But hard to end.